You Don't Just Go To Denver
by The Elder Gays
Summary: Kenny's been pining over Craig for years, until one day, Craig notices him back. [ Crenny: Craig/Kenny ]
1. Bad Habits

Kenny smiles to himself as he sits with his friends at lunch. Kyle and Stan are having a normal conversation about whatever television show they are watching this week, and Cartman is once again bitching about Heidi. But Kenny's focus is on a boy two tables away. He watches the boy in the blue chullo as he stuffs his face with nachos, the boy next to him obnoxiously flying a taco around like an airplane.

Donovan obscures Kenny's view for a moment and he scrunches his freckled nose in frustration. He watches Clyde fly the taco past Craig's face again, which annoys him to no end and has him glaring at the brunet. Across from them is Tweek, the small blond talking in an animated fashion, and Kenny follows Craig's gaze, trying to ignore how intently the green eyed boy focuses on Tweek.

It's not until Cartman so rudely snaps his fingers in front of his face that Kenny stops watching them and pays attention to the conversation Cartman is attempting to have with him. "Ay' Kenny? Are you even listening to me? I said, we need to kill Heidi."

Kenny gives him a weird look before he speaks, "No you don't, dude. Just tell her you have to, like, practice for a gaming tournament? Say you're in some new league or something."

Cartman lights up at the idea, going on about how good he'd be in this theoretical league and how he would make sure Kyle and other people of Jewish descent would be disqualified from being on his team. Kenny ignores whatever he's going on about in favor of watching Craig again. As he turns to the other's table, his face flushes when their eyes meet. Quickly, to cover up that he was in fact staring, Kenny narrows his eyes and sticks out his tongue childishly.

Upon noticing Kenny's actions, Cartman follows his eyes and laughs loudly, flicking off Clyde. "Fuck you, Donovan!"

Clyde's attention pulls away from the taco he is about to ingest, his eyes snapping to the other table. The smile falls from his face almost immediately. "Um, excuse me? Fuck you, dude!" the brunet yells back dramatically.

Craig blocks out the shouting match that ensues, eyes still trained on the sandy blond across the room, a frown creasing his brow.

As Cartman and Clyde shout at each other across the cafeteria, Kenny pulls his hood over his head and closes it up so all he can see is a small window. In that window he can still watch Craig without anyone noticing, his cheeks on fire as he goes back to daydreaming about how attractive the dark haired boy at the other table is. The taller boy's piercing green eyes are narrowed at his group and it is such an embarrassing turn on that he has to shift in his seat.

"Man, what is Craig's problem? He keeps glaring at you, dude," Stan mentions as he eats another french fry. Beside them, Cartman is getting progressively louder as he and Clyde start to throw food across the cafeteria.

Craig rolls his eyes, flipping off Kenny and his friends before turning back to Clyde and wrestling him back into his seat with the help of Token. "They're not worth it Clyde, calm down."

A sigh leaves Kenny's lips as the bell rings to clear out the cafeteria. He watches Craig and Tweek leave happily together after gathering a still seething Clyde. A pulse of jealousy rears angrily through his body as he watches Craig take the shorter boy's hand in his. The two of them have been dating since the fourth grade, he should be used to watching this. But this stupid crush he has developed over the years isn't helping the situation.

Walking through the halls, he pauses every once in a while to speak to a couple of his friends scattered about before he rushes off to make to his classroom before the bell rings. His last class is a free period and it just happens to be his favorite. Why? Because he can stare at Craig Tucker from the back of the classroom and no one will notice or say anything about it. With a wistful sigh, he pulls his hood down, slipping his jacket off, and makes himself comfortable. Kenny reaches into his backpack and snatches his book of the week, waiting for Craig to take his normal seat.

As if on cue, the noirette walks into the room, slipping his backpack from his shoulder and sliding fluidly into his seat near the window. He absently shoves up the sleeves of his hoodie, digging around in his backpack for a notebook and pencil.

This is, objectively, the best part of Kenny's day. Resting his cheek on his hand, he allows one of his crooked smiles to spread across his face. Craig was everything Kenny wanted in a guy. Not just his looks alone, but his personality, too; he was a straight-shooter and said what was on his mind. He did what he wanted, and he made no excuses for being who he was. Let's be real though, it wasn't like Craig Tucker hadn't aged well over the years. The descriptors tall, dark, and handsome just did not do him justice.

Looking down, he flicks through _Ender's Game_ and checks his phone. He's received a few text messages from his friends but nothing to distract him from staring a hole in the back of Tucker's head. Kenny wets his lips before he flicks his blue eyes back up to watch the boy some more.

Finally finding the pencil that had evidently sunk to the bottom of his bag, Craig looks up in Kenny's direction, green eyes quizzical. He raises his hand, in a sort of 'dude what the fuck' gesture, maintaining eye contact with the boy at the back of the class.

 _Oh shit._ He's been caught. Luckily, Kenny knows how to deal with this. It happens sometimes, getting his hands caught in the proverbial cookie jar. It's time to look blasé.

Kenny shifts his sappy, honest smile into a flirtatious one, lifting his hand to do a little finger wave. Normally when he does things like this, people roll their eyes and continue on with life as if nothing has changed. He's had to do this before when Craig's caught him, so it's time to pretend once again. It isn't exactly anything new since it is his favorite defense mechanism.

Craig reaches back into his backpack, fumbling with its contents before pulling both of his hands out in unison, each sporting a raised middle finger.

The blond is so shocked he loses his facade as a laugh bubbles out of him.

The corner of Craig's mouth twists up in a barely-there smile before he turns to face the front again, leaning over his notebook.

Kenny's heart pounds in his chest, his face dusting pink over his freckled skin. _Did Craig just smile at him?_ His heart can't take it. The taller boy doesn't talk to him much, let alone smile at him. For a moment he forgets how to breathe, and absently wonders how Tweek deals with being in such close proximity to the noirette so often.

Instantly, that thought twists the warm feeling in his chest into the roaring gnaw of jealousy, which makes him drop his eyes to his book once more. He absently notices the other kids filing into the room and taking their seats but finds he doesn't care.

As the desks around him start to fill up, Craig notices the blond move in his periphery.

Kenny has a nasty habit of staring, and as much as Craig makes a point to ignore it, he is _very_ aware. It doesn't make him uncomfortable, it's just annoying. Even more annoying is that he hasn't figured out exactly why. Not that he cares enough to ask. Dealing with Kenny McCormick and his horrible band of assholes has never been something he's wanted to pursue.

Instead, Craig opens up his notebook, shuffling papers around until he finds the homework he definitely doesn't want to be doing tonight. There's a _Red Racer_ marathon on tonight that he and Tweek made plans to watch, and it doesn't matter if he's seen every episode a hundred times, because he wouldn't miss this for the world.

While Kenny attempts to get his emotions under wraps, one of the girls in his class decides that this is the best time to converse with him. He feels like he's suffocating, but he smiles sweetly through the pain and listens to her comments about the book he's reading.

The rest of the class passes by as normal, and Kenny files Craig's bewitching smile into his memory banks for future contemplation as he gathers his stuff and heads to his locker. He can see Tweek waiting for Craig outside the classroom and that angry feeling in his gut rears its head. As he's passing, he purposely knocks Tweek with his shoulder and produces the fakest smile he can muster.

"Whoops. Sorry there, Tweek," Kenny grits out behind his smile, blue eyes meeting aqua ones for the briefest of seconds.

Tweek's eyebrows rise in concern, pulling the textbook he's carrying to his chest as he takes a step back. "Y-yeah...it's fine, Kenny."

"Of course it is, Tweek. After all, it was just an accident," Kenny offers before he allows an equally fake laugh to leave his lips.

Craig all but materializes at Tweek's side, easily draping an arm over his boyfriend's shoulders. "You okay?"

It's almost unbearable to handle the look Craig is giving him, so Kenny darts his eyes away and doesn't even offer him a 'hello.'

That feeling in his stomach claws at him and if he wasn't so self aware he'd think it was a living alien trying to burrow its way out. But Kenny knows jealousy when he feels it. He attempts to smile like normal, but it's a twisted version of his real one, mangled and wrong.

"Let's just go, babe," Craig says coolly, steering the anxious blond away from Kenny, any trace of his earlier smile gone.

-

School ends and Kenny heads home like every other normal day. His home life is hectic, and like every night during the week, his father is drunk. Kenny decides to take a walk, grabbing a bag before ending up at the local convenience store. He buys a few snacks and makes the quick decision to go read in a quiet part of Stark's Pond. The blond heads down a familiar path as he sucks on a lollipop, biting at the hard candy with his back teeth.

Kenny smells the smoke before he sees who owns the cigarette and he laughs melodically, calling out to the interloper, "I smell someone smoking cheap cigarettes."

As he pushes some foliage out of the way, he regrets speaking. Craig leans against a tree at the edge of the pond, chullo pulled down as low as possible to shield the chill in the air. He sighs before raising a cigarette to his lips, taking a long drag and resting his head on the tree trunk at his back. At the rustling behind him, the noirette snaps his head around to look at the newcomer, and now Kenny is eye to eye with Craig Tucker. He thinks about beating a hasty retreat, slight panic thumping through his veins. But instead he tries to offer a weak grin.

"Oh, so you do go places without Tweek. I'm _sooo_ shocked." As the words leave his mouth, Kenny can feel that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He gets these feelings sometimes when he knows he's put his foot in his mouth.

 _Why am I like this?_ His chest tightens as he moves the sucker to his other cheek, eyes lifting to the sky and away from the noirette currently watching him.

Craig stares at Kenny, eyes widening a fraction before he settles back with only sight unease. "We had plans, but he couldn't make it," he offers, pointedly looking anywhere but the other boy.

Kenny, often, is struck by stupid ideas. Stupid ideas like wanting to reach out and brush the loose strands of hair that peeks out from under the chullo, brush them right out of those sad eyes. But the boy isn't as stupid as his brain seems to think he is, so he grips the bag he's holding tighter instead.

"So, you're out here heartbroken and smoking, huh?" Kenny offers, mentally kicking himself for bringing up Tweek yet again.

Huffing out a laugh, smoke curling lazily from his lips, Craig continues to avoid Kenny's eyes, instead appearing fascinated with rolling a rock through the snow at his feet. "Guess you could say that. Why do you give a shit, anyway?"

"I don't," Kenny lies smoothly before he walks over to the spot he had been coming to the park to enjoy. He pulls a thick blanket from his bag and lays it down on the ground before grabbing a fluffier one and covers himself with it. Kenny pulls out a thermos and sits it down next to his snacks and his book. That was the purpose of the bag he left in his closet, because it's days like this he's grateful for his 'dig-out' bag. Days when he needed to, for lack of a better term, 'dig-out'.

"So..." the blond opens the book and leans back against the tree, moving the sucker in his mouth. "Smoking? I never took you for an ash sucker. Does Tweek know?"

Craig regards the other with mild interest, watching Kenny make himself comfortable on the cold ground. "Don't tell him. I know you don't owe me anything, but please don't."

The blond's heart twists for many reasons; hearing the tone in which Craig is pleading with him, hearing the sweet sound of the word _please_ coming from those lips, but the most painful reason being fact that he clearly wanted to hide this from Tweek. Kenny felt bitter inside and bites at his sucker, fracturing it with one loud _chomp_. Craig is most likely attempting to protect Tweek from his bad habit and that pulls at Kenny's heart in a damaging way.

"Oh? What do I get out of this?" he hears himself say, and doesn't even realize he's said it until the words leave his mouth.

Taking another drag, the dark haired boy considers the question. After a moment, he shakes his head with a deep sigh, "I dunno, man. I don't have anything to offer."

For a moment, a very dark plot crosses Kenny's mind. What he could do with this blackmail, what he could get out of Craig. But just as soon as it comes, he dismisses it. The blond is pretty sure this building feeling in his chest that's been tightening like a vice grip for years has evolved from a simple crush, and there's no way he would taint that with blackmail. No way he would use anything against Craig just to get a moment of his time.

"You know. It's fine. I think this one's on me, I can keep it to myself," he supplies, biting the pieces of candy into even smaller fragments in his mouth.

Craig openly watches Kenny, flicking ash from the end of his cigarette. Something seems...off. He can't place exactly what it is and he tries not to think too hard about the way his stomach is twisting at the expression on the blond's face. "...Thanks. I mean it."

"Don't mention it." Kenny shrugs. He notices that the snow is falling again as it hits his hair, but he lets it stay there. Kenny is an old friend to this spot, having done this several times in the past and he's used to the weather in this area. A little bit of snow won't kill him.

Reaching in his bag, he grabs a bag of chips and shakes them at Craig, cracking a smile. "If you're gonna stand there you might as well have a snack. Here," the blond tosses the bag in Craig's direction.

Catching the bag, Craig's lips pull into a small smile. "Thanks. Since when are you not a total asshole?"

Kenny's heart does some weird sort of gymnastics in his chest and _Jesus_ , there's that smile. Two times in a day? He isn't sure he'll be able to handle it if Craig keeps being nice to him. Kenny's chest tightens until it's almost unbearable, and he lets out a laugh that sounds strange even to his own ears. "I think around eighth grade?"

"Guess I never noticed," Craig replies softly, taking a step forward and plopping down on the blanket beside Kenny.

It shocks him when Craig sits next to him; he feels like he should scoot over and give him more room, but he's so close and he can feel his body heat.

"I don't think many people have," Kenny mutters before returning his focus to his book. He turns a page and tries to pull his attention back to the words below him and less on the fact that if he closes his eyes, he can hear Craig's soft breathing.

The shorter boy opts to try for a conversation. "What were…y'all gonna do?"

Craig shifts around to get comfortable, pulling his legs closer to his chest and settling with his arms propped up on his knees. He sighs again, ignoring that his cigarette is quickly burning down to the filter. "We were going to watch the Red Racer marathon."

"I love that show, man. I remember watching it with Stan and Kyle. They stopped after a while but I still watch it with Karen on Fridays." The blond sounds sincere as he turns a page in his book. "It's a shame he was too busy."

"Yeah..." Craig hunches over his knees a bit further, closing himself off, "It's my favorite." He taps more ash off the end of the cigarette, careful to keep it away from the blanket.

Kenny feels emboldened by this interaction and presses on, "What was so important that he dodged his boyfriend?" The word _boyfriend_ feels dirty on his tongue, but he tries to ignore it.

Craig hates that his first impulse is to tell Kenny everything. To say that's it's been an act, that Tweek isn't in a position to handle romantic love right now and doesn't know if he even _can_ , that Craig is _just_ his best friend, and that despite everything, he's stupidly in love with Tweek. "He had therapy today."

The honesty coming from Craig takes his breath away, Kenny's chest tightening and his lungs feeling as if they wouldn't move even if he willed them to. Kenny can tell that this is a very delicate situation and he doesn't want to fuck it up, so he tries his best to be sincere.

"How is he?" He pauses to glance at Craig briefly, trying not to look as nervous as he undoubtedly feels. After he asks, he presses the next more important question, "How are you doing?"

"He's doing a lot better," Leaning back against the tree, Craig closes his eyes. "Doesn't really matter how I'm doing, I...really just want to help him. However, I can."

Before the blond can stop himself, he rolls his eyes and the words fall out. "Well, that's pretty fucking stupid. Of course, it matters how you're doing." Kenny freezes, realizing he might have just crossed a line.

Craig cracks an eye open at that, "That so?" He huffs out a sigh, and man, he was doing an awful lot of that today, wasn't he? "I'm not trying to be dramatic, sorry."

"Dramatic? Ha. I hang out with Kyle, you sound perfectly fine," Kenny barks out a soft laugh, thinking of his friend.

"I mean, you're not wrong," Craig's smile is back. He's still wary of the other boy, but maybe Kenny isn't as bad as the assholes he calls friends. "But I'm...okay, I guess."

"It's okay to not be," Kenny retorts and he wonders to himself what karma he's built up to be sitting here quietly reading while Craig flicks through his phone. They sit there together in comfortable silence and though it may not mean much to Craig, that time feels so special to Kenny and he knows he'll cherish this moment forever.

"So," Craig breaks the calm after he starts running into the same Facebook posts again on his phone, "what brings you out here?"

Kenny could lie, but he decides to be honest since this may be his only chance to talk openly like this to Craig. "I come out here a lot. Karen's at a friend's house and my mom's at work. Dad gets pretty drunk and he's... not very nice when he drinks."

"I...get that," Craig mutters in response.

The blond frowns as he turns to the noirette with a question in his eyes, "What?"

Craig shrugs a shoulder, pulling his knees closer to his chest. "My dad can be an asshole sometimes."

Kenny's heart breaks, putting his book down so he can look directly at Craig, his throat tightening.

"Yeah. Mine too." He pauses, "You can always come here and hang out to get away."

Craig's quiet for a moment, looking out over the pond. "Okay."

A quiet, "...Thanks," follows and Kenny wishes he didn't hear the broken emotions behind that single word.


	2. Catch Me If You Can

It's been a couple of months since Kenny and Craig hung out the first time. They've started texting back and forth and have had a few quiet moments by Starks Pond together. They haven't acted any different in school, the same old staring and quiet exchanges.

It's just a normal day. Nothing interesting happening, the last class ends, and Kenny puts his stuff away. Kenny tries his best all day not to stare at Craig out of respect. Feeling like it was incredibly important not to on the account that the noirette had sent him a funny meme earlier in the day.

Spring is starting to bloom in South Park which prompts Kenny to leave his blankets at home when he finds himself back at his spot after school. Sitting on the grass he pops a gummy bear into his mouth and starts reading his book. Craig hasn't mentioned coming to their spot today but somewhere in his heart he hopes the taller boy will happen to show up.

"Hey." Craig shuffles through the bushes, coming to sit at the base of the tree with Kenny as if the other's thoughts had magically summoned him.

Kenny's heart pounds hard against his chest as he offers a smile to the boy as he sits next to him. "Hey Craig, didn't think I'd see you today."

"You know me, full of surprises," Craig replies in his usual deadpan, leaning back against the bark. "What about you? What brings you here today?"

The blond stretches hard with his arms above his body, he feels his spine give way to the stretch enough to pop what he needs to pop and rubs his eye a little with a yawn.

"I like when spring rolls around. Something about being out when everything's alive just makes me feel alive." Kenny adds, his eyes scanning the surrounding area. It never really escapes him how beautiful nature is and in this moment, he really wants to appreciate it with the taller boy.

"That's almost disgustingly optimistic." Craig smirks, eyes closing as a chilly gust of wind ruffles his bangs.

Kenny steals a glance at the other while his eyes are closed. He's beautiful in a haunting way, his features almost glowing in the sunlight. It steals his breath and he forgets momentarily how to speak.

It's in that moment that the wind picks up and shifts his book enough to catch his attention. Thankfully, he remembers how to formulate words again. "Uh, yeah. You know me. I take life when I can get it."

"Not a bad way to live." Craig keeps his eyes closed, content to let himself relax in the company of his...what was Kenny now? His slightly-more-than-acquaintance? Were they friends now? He pulls on his chullo, fingers finding comfort in the worn and familiar material.

"Hey, you gotta find happiness in the small things in life, right?" The blond licks his lips before glancing away, his cheeks burning a little.

There's a moment where Kenny catches the sun beaming off of Craig's features just right, that he sees his lips and feels a pull of inappropriate emotions. They're hopefully starting to become friends and it feels awful that his mind wants to ponder on how soft those lips really are. Not to mention Tweek is a good guy and Craig likes him, no _loves_ him, and Kenny has no room to butt in there. But he has this weird friendship that's starting to form, and he'll be damned if he allows himself to fuck it up.

Clearing his throat in an attempt to calm his heart, he smiles and adds a playful tone. "Gonna wear that hat all through spring too? Are you bald under there or something, Tucker?"

Craig hums in agreement, rolling his head to the side and finally opening his eyes to shoot Kenny a look. "I wear it all the time, asshole. You stare at me enough that I thought you would have noticed by now."

"You flatter yourself too much, Tucker." Kenny happens to squeeze out though it feels like his heart is in a vice grip.

He's looking at him so intensely and all Kenny can do is stare at these useless words on the page. His fingers are griping the book so tight they're turning white, willing the flush on his cheeks to go away so it doesn't ruin everything, but he isn't sure it's working.

Shrugging a shoulder with practiced nonchalance, Craig breaks their eye contact, sensing something making Kenny uncomfortable. He was used to people having mixed feelings about him, and wasn't one to go out of his way to needle at someone. Unlike, well, Kenny. That thought strikes him, and he files it away for later. "Yeah, yeah. I'm not stupid."

The tension is gone just like that and he's grateful the other boy let him off the hook so easily. This could have very well been a disaster but Craig was a lot kinder than people understood and it made the blond's heart swell even more.

"Anyway, what brings you here Mr. I wear my winter hat In the spring?" Kenny asks, looking up from his book with a curious smirk. He's trying so hard not to pry but sometimes things just slip out. "I thought you were with Tweek on Thursdays?"

"Not this week. His parents are having him do something at the coffee shop. It was really stressing him out earlier, but I think it'll go okay."

"And don't make fun of my hat." The glare he turns on Kenny has no real heat behind it.

Kenny mocks hurt, his bottom lip jutting out slightly. "Me? Make fun of your lovely hat? Why, never!" He pointedly doesn't respond to the Tweek comment.

"And m'not bald." He knows it wasn't a serious accusation, but the way his dad's hair has been going, well. It's an issue he's a little more aware of then he'd like.

Kenny wrinkles his nose and puts his book down, he acts before he thinks because if Kenny is anything, he's impulsive. The blond shifts his body and reaches up in a swift motion, snatching the hat off of Craig's head with a playfully gapped grin. "Oh yeah? Let's see then!"

It takes Craig a moment to realize what's happening, and another to reach out and try to grab his hat back from the blond. He pays no mind to his hair, short and shaggy, sticking out in every direction, and definitely not thinning, thank you very much.

Kenny bounces up and away from the tree, walking backwards with the hat behind him held in both hands. He smirks at the lovely way Craig's hair is sticking up and his stomach churns with so much admiration it makes him want to throw up.

He laughs melodically as he waggles his eyebrows, "I guess you're not bald after all!"

"I'm fucking 17, why would I be bald?" Getting to his feet, Craig stretches out his legs. "You really gonna do this? Do you have a death wish or something?"

"Maybe I do?" His sandy blond hair blows in the breeze as the wind picks up. The boy squints a little against it but continues backing up and away from Craig. He's not sure what's come over him, but it's fun and he feels playful and alive. "You want it? **Come get it**."

"Alright shitlord, bring it," Is all the warning Craig gives before he sprints at the blond.

Laughter fills the air as Kenny bolts away from him, running through the trees with ease. Years of working as a superhero paying off as he leaps a log and clears it like it's nothing.

Craig is fast and Kenny is amused that he's keeping up at all. Feeling cocky, he turns and runs backwards to goad him on by sticking his tongue out at him. "A little outta practice there, aren't you Super Craig?"

"Just gimme my hat, you little shit!" Craig calls after him, long legs helping him jump over and weave through the foliage on the ground. He sees Kenny start veering to the right, and makes a hard turn in an attempt to cut him off.

The blond doesn't move fast enough but it all feels like it happens in slow motion to him anyway. One moment he's running and the next the noirette is too close and in his face. His eyes widen as his brain tells him what's happening before his body feels it.

Craig has cut him off from his escape by tackling him.

The two of them tumble as a jumble of arms and legs for a moment on the the forest floor before Kenny hits the dirt hard enough to knock the wind from his sails. He's not hurt, but he's pinned and he can't seem to move. His brain races, because he knows what he's pinned under and his eyes want to water with stress and that goddamn chest pain.

Blinking dirt from his eyes he opens blue to meet green and he forgets to breathe again. They're so close. He can feel Craig's breath on his face, his freckles hidden under a dusting of rose and dirt. He wants to crack a joke so he allows his lips to quirk up but before he can say anything the rest of his body catches up with his brain and _oh_.

 _Oh lord_. He's pinned under Craig and his body is flush against his, he realizes belatedly that if he doesn't start thinking about things like Cartman's dirty laundry or something unsexy he's about to have a very serious problem.

This...is not what Craig was expecting.

The narrow focus of _I need my hat back_ did not take into account... _this_. He's fought countless people, tackled countless others, and for some reason this feels different, and he can't place why or how, but knows it is.

Kenny has never looked at him like this before. There is a measure of fear in his eyes, but it's minor compared to the multitude other emotions crossing his face in rapid succession. And he can't look away, even though he definitely should. But he wants to know, wants to ask why as the seconds tick by the fear pushes its way to the forefront. Craig is confused, out of breath, and laying against his sort-of friend in the middle of the forest.

"Wh..." he starts, clearing his throat before he tries again. "Where is my hat?"

"I'm not entirely sure, Tucker, as you know I've been a bit tackled. Tends to discombobulate."

Kenny's voice comes out in a hoarse stage whisper as he darts his eyes away from those green gems bearing into his soul. The pressure of the other boy is almost suffocating, not in a bad way, but his chest is constructing and his heart is hammering like a stampede. He's trying so hard to look somewhere else but he makes the mistake of turning his head to look away and feels Craig's breath against his neck.

The sensation causes a shiver down his spine and he can't help but chew on his bottom lip. It was almost too much. He was going to ruin this friendship before it even started and over what? A hat?

Craig needed to move. Everything about this situation was clearly making Kenny extremely uncomfortable, and he needs to move now. With a final look into the blond's eyes, Craig pushes himself up and off Kenny's torso, sitting back on his knees in the tall grass.

Searching the immediate area, he doesn't see his blue chullo, and Kenny still isn't moving from the spot where he had landed. Maybe he'd hurt him. He was a good 6 inches taller than the other, maybe the force of his tackle was too much, or he landed on something funny.

Craig holds out a hand to Kenny, "You okay? Need any help?"

Two feelings hit Kenny at once: extreme sadness from the lack of Craig's warmth and increased affection from seeing how actually worried the noirette was for him. These feelings felt conflicting in his chest as one battles for dominance. It takes a second before Kenny realizes that Craig was now sitting back on, he knees and the pressure had shifted from his entire body to right almost between his legs where one leg was still pinned under Craig's body.

Kenny tries hard not to whimper, his leg can feel a lot more of the other boy than he ever imagined and _my lord_. This is moment is going to be filed away for spank bank material later when he isn't feeling so guilty.

"Yeah." Nothing smart leaves his mouth as he takes the boy's hand and allows him to pull his body weight up into a sitting position. Once again, they're face to face and way too close, he's misjudged the distance while sitting up. Not to mention the idea that Craig had just lifted him up with just one arm, that too was filed away.

"Your hat," He tries, wetting his lips and glancing away towards where the hat was. "I guess you earned it back. You caught me."

"I did," Craig replies, leaning forward to retrieve his hat from the ground, and shaking out a couple leaves.

It feels like the entire weight of this interaction has changed. Everything is somehow charged; the distance between them, the calm forest air, everywhere they touch. Which, shit, Craig realizes might be more than necessary when he's practically straddling Kenny's leg, but the blond doesn't seem to mind.

"Don't worry," he searches for something to say because he's not sure what else to do in this situation, "I won't tell your loser friends you were bested by me."

It's hard for Kenny to get out what he wants to say exactly, so he just offers the truest smile he can and jokes, because humor is a defense mechanism. "They wouldn't believe that I came out of this event unscathed. I will be honored as a hero among losers."

Craig chuckles, pulling the chullo back on his head, "There's always next time."

He doesn't think he's ever actually looked at Kenny. Like he's obviously seen him, has known him since they were in kindergarten. But now that they're so close Craig notices tiny scars cross-hatching over his skin, the multitude of freckles dusted everywhere. His eyes even have the faintest hint of green in them, but he's not sure if that's something he should have noticed at all.

It's weird when words meant one way make someone feel completely different about them. It's strange how a small sentence can give such hope. Kenny feels choked up with emotions, emotions he doesn't want to feel, emotions he wishes he could make disappear.

" _There's always next time_ " Craig's words fill the blond up so much he feels like he's going to explode. What next time? Next time their playing around together? Next time they hanging out?

The offer of another time like this makes his cheeks burn scarlet. The sandy blond tries to look for an escape route from the situation, from his feelings, but he's still trapped under Craig's weight. His leg is pinned and god damn it if it doesn't feel divine where it is. Blessed by all the gods in the sky. But he doesn't want to be undone like this for Craig to see.

"Next time I won't be so easy to catch." Kenny supplies, hoping the humor in his voice and the playfulness in his tone will hide how hard his heart is pounding and the dusting of rose across his cheeks and ears.

"I'll count on that." Craig stands then, a layer of this weird bubble around them breaking, but offers his hand out to the blond once again. "I appreciate a challenge."


	3. Pinky Promise

A couple of weeks pass since their weird tension in the woods. Kenny has replayed that scene in his head over and over again, the touch, the feel, and the smell. God just everything about it feels unreal to him. Since that day Tucker's been talking to him a little more, opening up easier. The texts went from one-liners to actual conversations and it's almost too much for him to handle.

The classroom feels oddly charged and strange; a distinct lack of Craig causes Kenny to worry his bottom lip with his teeth. Craig was late for class and when he walks in, he looks upset. Kenny wants to ask but he doesn't want to pry. He was going to catch him after class but to his chagrin the boy slips past him almost completely unnoticed, leaving the blond distraught and alone in the hallway.

Kenny mopes all the way to Stark's Pond, his homework heavy in his backpack accompanied by some snacks for later. He checks his phone again and nothing from Craig to indicate he was going to show or if something was off. But in his gut, he could feel a twist of emotions telling him something was odd, something was afoot. Arriving at their spot, he notices he's alone, so Kenny sets up the area and starts in on his assignment.

Kenny is startled when there's a cough sounding from a nearby tree, followed by a low, "Aw fuck."

He freezes and for a split second he doesn't know what to do, but then he realizes its Craig and almost laughs. "Oh no. A stranger. Whatever will I do? Please don't hurt me, stranger, I am but an innocent lad doing my homework." Kenny dramatically states toward the tree.

There's complete silence for a moment before a familiar voice calls out, "Innocent seems a bit of a stretch, don't you think?"

"Touché, you got me stranger." Kenny laughs, exhaling through his nose as he sets his homework down and leans forward on his hands and knees to try and see where Craig is around the other tree.

"Tucker, is there a reason you're lurking behind that tree? Should I be concerned?" His voice is full of teasing, but he has an underlying concern. Craig was acting off at school and he wants to know why, but again he doesn't want to pry.

Craig laughs almost bitterly from his spot behind the neighboring tree. "Nothing to be concerned about at all." A snuffed out cigarette butt flies from behind the tree to join a small pile forming several feet away.

All amusement melts off of his face at the tone the other supplies. Concern laces through his entire body causing him to get up off the ground and cross the distance between them. He kneels down next to Craig when he sees him, cocking his head in question.

"Only you can prevent forest fires." Kenny jokes, looking at the amount of cigarettes littering the forest floor.

"And littering. I'm a regular delinquent today." Craig doesn't look up immediately from his spot on the ground, empty pack lying next to him. Today had been trying, to say the least. And by now he knew Kenny had something akin to a schedule worked out for his visits to Stark's Pond, so he'd kept his distance as much as he could. But, of course, he'd gone and fucked that up too.

Blue eyes scan the scene; instantly knowing this isn't something small Craig's dealing with, Kenny drops from his crouched position and sits down right next to him. He lets his legs flop out in-front of him and his palms kiss the cold dirt behind him. Glancing up at the sky he sits in silence for a while before he broaches the subject.

"You trying to give ole' Ned a run for his record?" He eyes the pile of cigarettes before glancing towards Craig, holding his gaze confidently. "What's going on?"

Craig's eyes dart around Kenny's face, settling on his eyes before blinking hard and looking down at his overly worn shoes. "I need to get out of here," the words sound tight as they leave his throat, but the dark haired boy's expression is one of trained nonchalance.

Kenny's first instinct is to take the boy's hand and squeeze it, but he doesn't. His second instinct is to wrap his arms around him, but he doesn't do that either. His third and final instinct, is to keep that locked eye contact and comfort him with words, this he does.

"I know. We all want to get out, Craig. It's only a matter of time." Kenny wants to take that pain out of those beautiful emerald eyes. He wants to destroy Thomas Tucker and everything he's ever assumed he's done to this magnificent person. He's hurt him more than physically, emotionally, and mentally— and for that, Kenny wants to drag him down to hell with him the next time he dies. Satan has a special place in Hell for people like him.

The blond's blue eyes grow distant as he thinks about the many things he'd like to do to his father for ever laying a hand on Craig, but he snaps back momentarily because it's about the boy now, not what has already transpired. "Want to talk about it?"

"I don't know," Craig's voice is soft, almost nervous when he finally answers.

It's not that he doesn't want to, but how could he begin to think he could thrust that burden on someone else. He already felt guilty enough that Tweek worried, opened up his home and his bed to him so he could escape. "I don't...know how much more of this I can handle."

Kenny thinks before he speaks; he's quiet for a long time, sitting beside him in comfortable silence. He wants to make sure to say the correct thing. He wants to be someone Craig can count on.

"When I was eight, my dad decided he didn't like my tone and threw a beer bottle at my face. My mom and him fought about it for hours and hours. At first, I thought I did something wrong. But the longer they fought and the longer I sat alone, I realized something. My father was broken. Something in him had snapped and nothing would fix it. He hid behind alcohol and drugs, pretended he was fine until one day he took it out on me."

Fingers gently brush against Craig's hand on the ground, a brief contact but one meant to comfort. To ground him to this moment.

"It's not about what you can handle. Because you shouldn't have to handle it. We're thrust into situations we don't deserve sometimes, so we make do. You have people who care. You aren't alone. Because of that? You're going to survive this and go forward."

"That's horrible..." Craig continues to stare at his shoes, appreciating the other's presence at his side, despite the situation. "I'm tired. Of all of this. I'm..." sighing, Craig shakes his head, "I'm sick of not being enough. I'm sick of pretending like nothing is wrong to Tricia while making sure she never finds out."

Craig slowly moves his hand closer, looping his pinkie finger over Kenny's.

The blond's heart skips a beat as he feels the finger lace over his. It's not a lot but it's contact and to someone like Craig, it's a big deal and the significance is not lost on Kenny. He allows himself to calm down because this isn't the time to get all worked up over his crush sorta holding his hand. He was in pain and this was to help him, it wasn't about Kenny.

"I don't think you should hide it from her. I'm pretty sure she knows more than you think." Kenny pauses before he explains, "Karen knew. She saw through the fake smiles and the pretend laughs. These kids are more intuitive than we give them credit for."

He wants to tell the noirette next to him that he's so much more than enough. That him just existing is enough. He wants to voice how every single movement he makes shakes Kenny to the core. His voice destroys and rebuilds him in an instant. That in a world full of chaos and pain, his eyes bring hope to his darkness.

But these aren't words meant for his ears and Kenny offers a smile instead. "You are."

Craig finally looks up at that, pieces of his stoic facade cracking. "I am what?"

He feels silly that his voice is stuck in his throat upon that look. _God. That face. Those eyes._ Something about the way he was looking at him made Kenny want to fall apart in a new and terrifying way. "Enough. You're enough."

Craig just stares. He's honestly not sure for how long or what his face is doing for the blond to be giving him that **look** , but the shock of Kenneth McCormick telling him that is enough to leave him completely speechless. "Oh."

Kenny is also speechless. For maybe the third time in his entire life he doesn't know what to say or do. He's never seen Craig entirely unguarded before and to be frank, he's stunning. Gorgeous doesn't begin to describe the look on his face right now. He's let down all his facades and the sheer honesty in his eyes makes Kenny want to crumble at the sight. A weird thought strikes him, wondering if this is how the men in Medusa's gaze must have felt, stunned to silence and turned to stone.

He knows he has to say something, but all he can do is wet his poor dry lips and try to ignore how much he wants to never see this look disappear again. It's burned into his memory for the rest of his life.

"U-uhm." Craig starts, oh-so eloquent words shriveling up and dying on his tongue. He is practiced in ruining everything he touches. He's already cracked the awkward yet comfortable calm that had settled over the two of them, and he's fairly confident that if he keeps eye contact with Kenny any longer that he might do something he never considered until this exact moment and ruin this delicate thing that's grown between them.

Breaking their gaze, Craig goes back to studying his shoes intently. "Thanks."

The magic spell the taller boy had cast over Kenny dissipates as he can suddenly breathe again. Blinking a few times to get his wits about him he quirks a lopsided, gapped toothed smile at the other boy.

"Yeah, of course. Anytime, Craig."

Slowly his heart starts to calm down and he just listens to the sound of the forest. His hand is hot where the two of them haven't removed their laced fingers and it's a constant reminder that something has shifted here today.


	4. Icarus

This was a problem.

He didn't understand when or how or _why_ but somehow, Craig felt things change. Seeing Kenny at school had never caused anything but apathy or annoyance since they first met, but now when he caught the sandy blond's eye across the hall his stomach flipped, his cheeks burned, and his heart did this obnoxious thing where it tried to escape his rib cage. Seeing Kenny was annoying, but for an entirely different reason.

Craig should probably stay away. He should go back to how they'd always been, planets circling, their orbits close but never overlapping. He didn't need this pathetic crush. Because that's _exactly_ what it was. Pathetic. And for what? Because some kid he'd known since he was three made him feel less shitty every once in a while? Please.

Like now. He was just kind of staring at Kenny, definitely ignoring the bullshit his friends around him were spouting, but hyper focused on the way his smile widened when Kyle made a jab at Cartman. How he all but fell out of his chair when the latter retaliated. Annoying was absolutely the right word for this.

They were all in the cafeteria having lunch like normal and Kenny was laughing at Kyle's jab towards Cartman when he feels this strange sensation of someone watching him.

Looking up, his eyes light up with happiness when blue meets green, Craig was looking at their table and he takes that opportunity to wave at him with a toothy smile.

Craig immediately looks away, a flush rising high on his cheeks. He chances a glance a moment later, meeting Kenny's eyes in the process and giving a tiny wave in response.

"Oh that's cute," Cartman coos sarcastically from his place next to Kenny. "You made a friend, Kenny? You bonding over being poor?"

Craig gets that instant visceral reaction to hearing the fatass speak, chest turning cold. But he hears the distinct sound of a smack, and looks up to see Cartman clutching his shoulder, Kenny's hand still outstretched from the follow through.

He drops his eyes again, annoyed at whatever the fuck his mind-body-heart thinks it's doing. Whatever it is, it's decidedly not okay.

"Shut up, fatass." Kenny mutters after hitting him hard on the shoulder. Cartman whines out his name and looks to Stan for backup but the noirette simply shakes his head and shrugs.

"Don't fuck with Kenny, dude." He offers, Kyle, on the other hand has lost his entire shit. Kenny loves when Kyle laughs like this, milk squirting out of his nose. The blond laughs along with Cartman who seems to have forgotten why he was so mad in light of Kyle's nose milk.

Since the others were distracted again, Kenny rests his hand on his cheek and lets his eyes wander back over to Craig. His stomach churns as he sees the red on the boy's cheeks and assumes Tweek has said something to make that delicious rose dusting appear over his handsome features.

He sighs and pulls out his phone; pulling up the photo he took with Tricia and Karen last night at their sleepover and sending it to Craig with a message.

[Message: Kenny]  
 _Hey Craig! Your sister double teamed me with Karen last night and turned me into a beautiful princess again. They wanted me to send proof._

The picture is of Karen and Tricia with badly applied makeup, their hair all over the place and Kenny in the middle of them with his hair in short pigtails and bad makeup.

He's hold up a peace sign at the camera and they're all smiling big and happy.

Feeling his phone vibrate, Craig fishes it out of his pocket, opening up the text from the blond across the room. When the picture loads, the loud bark of laughter he lets out catches him off guard.

Tweek looks up at him, brows furrowing in confusion before Craig flashes him the screen under the table. The smile that spreads across his best friend's face ignites something in his heart. Which instantly makes him feel cold. Hallow.

How horrible and _greedy_ could he be.

Kenny's face lights up like a Christmas tree when he hears Craig laugh. He's never heard him laugh like that, it was so pure and beautiful even across the cafe. His heart swells because he knows _he caused that_ with his photo. But the happiness is short lived as he watches Craig show Tweek.

 **That smile.** How could he compare with the fluffy blond? The look on Craig's face when Tweek smiles makes him flip his hood up and close it tight. He can hear Kyle's worried call to him as he stands up and starts walking away from the table.

 _He has to get out. He feels suffocated._

Kenny knows he's selfish and wrong for liking his friend. He knows he shouldn't be jealous of him with his **boyfriend** but as he pushes his way through the doorway to the bathroom and pulls his hood down he feels his lunch leave his stomach into the toilet.

He's there for a while before he hears a small knock. Looking at the person's shoes he instantly knows its Butters. His friend opens the door and offers him a sympathetic smile.

"Kenny? You okay?" He kneels down and rubs Kenny's back gently.

"No," Kenny chokes out as tears slide down his cheeks, he knows they've been falling for a while now but there's little he can do to stop them once they started. "No Leo I'm not."

"Oh, what happened?" Butters reaches over, grabbing some toilet paper and folding it to dab at Kenny's eyes. "Musta been something real bad to make you toss your cookies like that."

"That stupid _feeling_ again." The blond allows Butters to dab at his face, thinking absently that his life would have been so much easier if he had been able to fall in love with the soft boy in front of him. This thought just reminds him that Butters face is not the one etched into his heart and he feels a fresh wave of hot tears coming again.

"I'm so tired of wanting him," Kenny sniffles as he scrubs his face with the heel of his palm, "I'm tired of being jealous."

Butters gives him a fond, sad smile. "I'm sorry, Kenny," he drops the tissue in the toilet before pushing sandy blond bangs away from Kenny's forehead. "Love is awfully tricky sometimes."

Kenny shifts and wraps his arms around the smaller boy, leaning his face against his chest and permits himself to cry. The paler boy runs his fingers through Kenny's locks with a sad knowing look on his face as the other boy allows his emotions to spill out.

Kenny doesn't normally cry like this, but with his best friend comforting him, he allows it just this once.

-

Watching as Kenny stands up and begins to beat a hasty retreat, Kyle stands as well, calling after him. "Kenny? Kenny! What's wrong? Hey—"

Cartman turns a worried eye to the fleeing blond not bothering to move but watching the events unfold, while Kyle goes to leave the table. Stan, however, sensing Kenny's need for alone time, after quietly watching what went down, reaches for Kyle's wrist shaking his head. "Let Butters go, Ky." Stan nods to the softer blond who was already packing up to follow Kenny, leaving quickly and running after him.

"The hell is even going on?" Cartman asks as he stuffs pizza in his mouth. "Kenny get his period?"

Craig feels something sink in his chest like a stone as he watches Kenny tear out of the cafeteria in a blur. Butters chases after him, and something in Craig wants to follow. He doesn't understand what just happened, but feels guilt coiling tight in his stomach. It had to be something he did.

Pulling out his phone again, Craig opens up their conversation and taps the text bar. The little blinking line mocks him as he realizes he has no idea what he could even say. He doesn't know Kenny beyond years of bullshit and shenanigans, and now their random conversations by the pond.

"You okay?" Tweek says softly, eyes wide and pensive. He looks quickly between Craig, his phone, and the commotion at table across the room before settling his eyes on Craig once more. "Just say something, dude. I think it might m-mean a lot."

As smart as he may be, Craig is at a loss, dark brows knitting together at Tweek's words. "I don't..."

With an exasperated sigh, eye twitching slightly as he regards the taller boy, he knocks their knees together. "Text him."

This isn't fair. Not that anything in his short existence has been anything resembling _fair_ , but this is particularly fucking with him. Craig is so, incredibly torn that he literally feels that he could rip in half.

"Craig," Tweek offers, gripping his hand in his small trembling one, "he's your friend."

"He's not-"

"He is, asshole," the smirk on the small blond's face does something funny to his chest, but Craig listens. Taking up his phone, he types out the only thing he can think of, knowing it's probably the wrong thing to say but unsure what else to do.

[Message: Craig]  
 _Maybe you three should watch a couple more youtube tutorials. But your eyeliner game is legendary._

Butters sees and hears Kenny's phone before he does and snatches it. He knits his brows as he reads the text before whispering, "Oh, Hamburgers."

Kenny lifts his head from the smaller boy's chest and takes his phone from the other, but not before Butters screws his face in a stern look.

"Now, look here Ken. I know you like Craig an awful lot, but I don't think you should go an say nuthin' about this to him, ok? If he asks, I reckon you say ya had food poisoning?"

The sandy blond is stunned by Butters advice. Butters was really smart, why others didn't see this in the soft boy he'd never know. He nods to Butters before looking at the text and against his better wishes, smiles softly.

-

[Message: Kenny]  
 _I'm a Princess. Of course it is._

Craig sighs in relief when the message pops up on his screen, earning himself a chuckle from Tweek.

"Told ya." The smile spread across the blond's face is so honest and bright that it hurts.

He feels like Icarus. Tweek lights up his entire world, but Craig's heart is melting the closer he flies.

But he thinks of Kenny's hand next to his and wonders why he's only been chasing the Sun when there is an entire universe to explore.


	5. Playing Pretend

It's been a week since the incident in the cafeteria and Kenny has been distant.

Butters suggested to him that it might be healthy to take a few steps away from whatever it was that had started to develop between Craig and himself. He explained that Kenny needed time to try and gather his strength again after the breakdown. That means that Kenny hasn't been watching him. He's been leaving class quickly at the end of the day, he hasn't been texting much, and he's certainly not been going to the Pond.

His heart hurts to not see Craig but after crying and throwing up over how jealous he was feeling, he really did need a break.

Kenny dreads the class they share together. His hood is up as he saunters in and drops down into his chair, laying his head down on the desk facing away from where Craig was sitting next to the window.

Craig stares blankly at his notebook, eyes narrowing when he gets no reaction out of Kenny. He's sent a dozen texts that have gone unanswered, and as much as he suspected he was the cause of Kenny's escape from the cafeteria last week, he's all but confirmed it through the other's radio silence.

Pulling out his phone, he types out a quick _Nice to see you too, asshole_ before hitting send.

Kenny lifts his hand and pokes his phone without moving his head at all. His heart hurts but he ignores the text just like the other thirteen.

Being actively ignored lights a fire of aggravation in Craig's chest.

[Message: Craig]  
 _HEY_  
 _DOUCHEBAG_

The class is quiet except for a small groan from the back of the room. Kenny ignores the text again and just shifts his face, so his forehead is pressed against the desk.

Tightening his jaw, the noirette grabs his notebook, ripping out and crumpling a page before chucking it at the orange hooded figure at the back of the class.

A weird sensation hits the top of Kenny's hood causing him to look up, the hood drops, and his face looks awful. His eyes have deep bags and his hair is matted to his head a bit from being under the hood so often. He narrows blue eyes right at Craig and snatches his phone with a frown.

[Message: Kenny]  
 _You rang, your majesty?_

Kenny looks awful, and as much as Craig wants to be sympathetic, he's pissed.

[Message: Craig]  
 _What the fuck is your problem?_

 _I get we're not super best friends or whatever, but this is bullshit_

[Message: Kenny]  
 _My problem? My lack of sleep and an unsympathetic asshole hitting me with paper._ __

 _I'm sorry. I've been busy._

[Message: Craig]  
 _Bullshit._

[Message: Kenny]  
 _What, did you pull the stick of truth out of Cartman's closet and now you're all-seeing or something?_

Craig blinks down at the message, and if he hadn't been so annoyed, he would have asked if the fatass still had the stick.

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _Don't pull this shit with me. If I did something at least have the balls to tell me._

Butters' voice echoes in Kenny's head. He wants to listen, but his stomach twists at the idea of lying to Craig.

[Message: Kenny]  
 _Dude. It's stupid and it's nothing you did on purpose._

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _If you can't even look at me it can't be stupid. Just fucking tell me._ __

 _I can't fix it if I don't know what it is._

[Message: Kenny]  
 _Well that makes two of us because I'm not even sure what happened myself, ok?_

Kenny tries to bite back a sigh as he presses send.

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _...what does that even mean?_

[Message: Kenny] _  
_ _I don't know man. I got really upset over something stupid and now I'm just being a dick about it._

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _damn straight you are_

[Message: Kenny] _  
_ _Cut me some slack please. It isn't like I pushed you into a locker or something._

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _Like you'd be able to_

[Message: Kenny] _  
_ _I could totally do it._

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _You could try_

 _You'd fail, but you could try_

[Message: Kenny] _  
_ _I'm a lot scrappier than you give me credit for, Tucker._

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _I dunno, I seem to remember you getting bested over a hat_

[Message: Kenny] _  
_ _I think your memory is fuzzy, friend. I was wrongfully tackled._

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _Justice. You were tackled for justice._

[Message: Kenny] _  
_ _Is that what they call it now?_

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _Yup._

[Message: Kenny] _  
_ _Well I guess it gave me a reason to make acquaintance with the ground. Always wanted to do that._

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _cool dude, I guess. Kinda hard for my taste sometimes_

[Message: Kenny] _  
_ _I feel like I should make a joke here but I'm too tired. Pretend I'm being witty._

[Message: Craig] _  
_ _How about you don't just disappear like that_

Kenny's chest gets tight and he steals a glance at the back of Craig's head. He's staring at his phone intently. Something in Kenny twists. _He hurt him? He missed him?_ It makes him happy to know Craig cares, but he didn't mean to hurt him.

[Message: Kenny]  
 _Okay. Since you asked so sweetly. I won't._

Craig glances back, a hint of a smile appearing over his shoulder before a message pops up on Kenny's screen.

[Message: Craig]  
 _Okay._

Kenny's face slowly turns pink before he jerks his hood back over his head quickly.

He hopes Craig didn't see.

-

After their text battle, Craig feels one of the many knots twisting up his insides come loose. He still feels selfish and _wrong_ about everything, but at least his budding friendship with the blond hasn't been completely fucked up.

That doesn't mean he isn't caught off guard when Kenny appears under the tree the next day.

Kenny comes sauntering up, it's spring and he's dressed accordingly for a Saturday. Ripped skinny jeans and a worn band shirt with his parka top tied around his waist. He has his backpack thrown lazily over one shoulder and he raises a hand in a 'hello' as he walks up.

"Didn't expect to see you here on a Saturday!" The blond plops down next to him and leans a little in his space to smile mischievously. "Miss me?"

Rolling his eyes, Craig shoves Kenny's face away, using the motion to distract from the pink creeping over his cheeks. "Shut up."

Kenny laughs melodically, enjoying the touch even if it's a little rough. He wonders how far he can push this, now that he knows Craig sees him as a friend? Reaching up he tugs at one of the tassels of Craig's hat. "Why ya' gotta be so mean?" The blond pouts.

"It's my only redeeming quality," Craig deadpans, lips quirking slightly. "I have a reputation to uphold."

Kenny chuckles. So, he was able to touch the hat now, huh? He leans back comfortably against the tree, very much in Craig's space. He stretches out his legs and their thighs are almost touching. If he so desired, he could make them, but he's testing the grounds here.

"I don't know. I think you have a few nicer qualities." Kenny teases.

"The hat doesn't count."

"The hat is lovely, but that's not exactly what I meant, Craig." His tone is light as he starts digging his homework from the previous week's classes out of his bag.

"Well, if you've found any, I think you'd be the first," he settles back, eyes closed. The warmth of the sun is nice against his skin; especially with how erratic the weather has been recently. Inwardly, Craig frowns, having stooped to talking about the weather.

 _Here goes nothing._ Kenny keeps his tone light, so he can pretend like it's a joke if it backfires. "Really? I don't believe that. Here, I'll give you two for free. You have gorgeous eyes and a great sense of humor."

Craig's eyes open at that, unwilling to look over at the other boy digging through his backpack. His cheeks are hot, and he's entirely too afraid of the expression on his face. "Perhaps you should work on your sarcasm, McCormick, you sound downright sincere."

Kenny steals a look and he's graced with a beautiful sight. Craig's cheeks are red, and he has a weird expression etched on his face. The blond bites his bottom lip as his stomach flips. Feeling confident from the reaction, he chuckles softly, digging back into his bag to hide himself. "Oh. You think I'm being sarcastic?"

Looking up to the canopy of leaves shifting overhead, Craig tries to will his blush away. "Yup. You need to work on your inflection, though. That's what really sells it."

 _What on earth am I even saying?_ Everything leaving his mouth is absolute bullshit and he needs to stop because he feels himself getting backed into a corner, but part of him (probably the vain part that appreciates how easily Kenny could compliment him) doesn't mind.

"I should definitely change my tone then." The blond drags his words out more and lets his voice deepen a little, though it still holds an underlining playfulness. He glances up at Craig through his lashes and flashes him a grin, looking directly at that pretty blush. "You're very handsome. But I think my favorite is when you blush _like that_."

How Kenny can say things like that with a straight face is beyond Craig. He's never had any experience with flirting, having been supposedly dating Tweek since fourth grade, and having the full force of Kenny McCormick's playful advances (however fake and purely for show they may be) causes his heart rate to pick up. Inwardly cursing himself, Craig kicks at the blond's ankle. "Shut up, McCormick."

"What? Can't handle the truth, Tucker?" With the way he drags out the name _Tucker_ , he knows that he's pushing his boundaries right now. Kenny can hear how seductive his tone is but he can't help that his voice drips like honey when he wills it to.

He finishes what he was doing in his bag and takes a long happy glance at how gorgeous Craig looks when he's stunned into silence, red cheeks and all.

"Hey now. You don't need to kick me, if you want to touch me, just ask." Kenny's tone is jokingly flirty at this point, his million dollar smile focused solely on the noirette.

Craig's impulse to smack the other boy is only rivaled by his desire to run. He opens his mouth to say something, _anything_ at this point, but stops when he realizes there's a part of him that doesn't want this to be a joke or an act. And just like that the guilt and shame come crashing back into him, his throat tight. Craig closes his mouth, shaking his head, "Shut up, dude."

Something in Kenny shifts and he realizes maybe he pushed too far. He stops and drops the flirting, offering the other boy a comforting smile. It's going to hurt to him to say this, but he respects Craig's boundaries. "Ah, sorry, dude. Your boyfriend wouldn't appreciate me showering you in compliments, would he? Damn, I just can't keep my mouth shut, can I?"

Kenny pulls a candy out from his backpack and hands it to the noirette before he starts working silently on his homework. He feels bad for pushing, but now he knows the line he can't cross. And to be honest, that fucking blush was worth it.

Craig's not sure if this is better or worse. The candy sits in his open palm in his lap, the foil catching the sunlight filtering through the leaves overhead. It's easier watching the light dance over the metallic surface than unraveling the shitshow that is his emotions.

He wants to tell him. Wants to tell him his stupid secret that's been burning a hole in his chest for _years,_ if not for the gut-wrenching ache he's trying to push down over those joking compliments then to at least _say it out loud_.

And maybe Kenny would get it. Maybe he'd think Craig was being such a good friend and would understand.

But what if he didn't. What if the blond saw just how fucked up he was and never spoke to him again.

Several minutes tick by while Kenny writes on his paper. He taps his forehead with his pen a few times in attempt to jog his brain but stops when he notices Craig staring at the candy. "Craig? You okay?"

Craig swallows thickly, shaking his head just a fraction.

Kenny sits his notebook and pen down before scooting so he's twisted and turned to face Craig. He leans his elbows on his knees and then his face on his fists and watches him. "Okay. Spill. What's bothering you?"

Shaking his head again, Craig pulls his chullo off, running his fingers through his hair a couple times before pulling the hat back on, tugging it as low as possible.

They haven't been real close for long, but Kenny has known Craig a very long time. He's seen him this frustrated maybe once, twice, before? The blond quirks an eyebrow at the response, feeling brave he slowly reaches up and leans forward, tugging the hat up a little bit so he can see the other's eyes. "Hey. You can talk to me, what's going on?"

"I-it's not..." the dark haired boy starts, instantly embarrassed by how scratchy his voice sounds. He sucks in a shuddering breath, fingers twisting in the hanging tassels of his chullo to help keep him grounded. "It's a lot."

Kenny straightens up. This is something serious. No time for jokes. He lifts a hand and places it firmly on Craig's shoulder and squeezes. "I have all day, Craig."

The hand at his shoulder is a comfort and a fucking curse and Craig shakes his head again, willing away the wetness lingering at the corners of his eyes. "Jesus _fuck_ ," he whispers, knuckles white where he's clutching his jeans because _this should not be that hard._

Kenny's chest tightens and all he wants to do is hug the other boy. And for once? He doesn't think. He acts. He's sure Craig is going to push him away but he's impulsive and he wants to make Craig feel better.

He jumps forward and wraps his arms around him and squeezes. He doesn't know how long he'll be allowed to hug him but he's ready to get punched if that's what it takes to help him through this.

Rushed, because he's afraid to do and say the wrong thing, Kenny starts talking rapidly. "I know you're not into, like, physical contact and I know you're, like, emotionally constipated, but I'm here and I want to help. You don't have to keep it in."

Craig freezes, warm arms wrapping around him and Kenny speaking softly near his ear proving to be all too much. He refuses to cry, refuses to wreck this weird little friendship they've built over his feelings and never ending list of insecurities. He wants the comfort, the warmth that he's been missing his entire fucking life, and finally allows himself to give in, leaning heavily into Kenny's arms.

"I'm so fucking _stupid_ ," he hears himself rasp against the shoulder of the other boy's shirt.

Kenny blinks stupidly at the other boy's reaction, his first thought being that he wasn't going to get punched? He was… leaning on him? Kenny closes his eyes and takes in the entire situation; the smell of Craig's hair that's tickling his nose with his head nuzzled on his shoulder near the crook of his neck, the feeling of Craig's weight on his body, that subtle breathing that keeps getting a little more ragged as he continues talking, and the feelings all of this is supplying to the blond.

He hadn't in his wildest dreams ever thought he'd have Craig Tucker in his arms.

But, he snaps himself back to reality because this was about supporting Craig, not exploring his newfound obsession with Craig's emotions. (Which by the way is now top of Kenny's list of kinks: Craig opening up emotionally. _Wow. What a turn on._ )

Kenny feels his hand move before he knows what he's doing, rubbing small circles on the other's back. His voice is gentle like when he comforts Karen. "You're one of the top students in our school, Craig. I think that qualifies you as not stupid."

Craig voice is low, burying his face further into Kenny's shirt, "We're not together..."

Kenny's face pales visibly. The world seems to stop or maybe that's just his heart? He stops breathing all together and ice runs cold in his veins.

 _We're not together._ That could only mean one thing. But that doesn't make sense? They've been dating since fourth grade? Did something happen? Did they break up? Oh Jesus, did he do something to somehow cause that? No? No, Craig would have said they " _broke up_ ", not what he said.

Kenny doesn't move from the spot he's in but he hears himself speak through the fog in his head. "Do you care to elaborate?" He asks, almost unable recognize his own voice. But he's glad to see his body has started breathing again.

"We've never...not really. But we tried, and I...fuck, I just..." Craig ignores the tears spilling from his eyes at his admission, biting hard at his bottom lip to keep it from trembling. " _Fuck_..."

Emergency. Abort, abort. Craig Tucker wasn't just emoting, _he was crying_.

Kenny feels the corner of his eyes start to prickle at this new information. That sounded so…

"Painful," He continues his thought out loud. Realizing he had, he continues, "Craig, shit. That sounds awful. Why? Why would you keep pretending? You had us all fooled."

Kenny pulls him a little closer in an attempt to stop those tears from falling, but he feels one, now two, of his own heartbroken tears slide down his cheek. _All those years._ _Wasted_.

The sound that works its way out of Craig's mouth is ugly, his fingers aching from how hard he's gripping his jeans. "I just...I thought maybe this would be something I didn't fuck up," he's not sure when he started shaking, but now he can't stop, "that if I tried hard enough that we could...that _he_ could..."

 _That down right hurts._ Not just the nerve of Tweek Tweak _not_ returning Craig's feelings, but the idea that he's been suffering this whole time. **_Alone_**.

Kenny shelves his own selfish emotions, he feels disgusted in himself for that little part of him that held hope when Craig said they weren't really dating. It's enough to make him want to throw up. Kenny knew he was a monster inside, but to face facts with his own demons and see them for what they were, in this moment, is making his eyes burn.

All those years he spent loving him from afar. Thinking he was happy with the other boy and being content with holding back his emotions for the sake of Craig's happiness. Come to find out, a _ll those years, he had been miserable._

The blond could physically feel his heart snapping in half.

"I'm so sorry." He tries not to sound bitter, to sound as hurt as he is because again **it wasn't about him**. "Fuck Craig, I'm so so sorry." He holds the taller boy in his arms and cries with him, and he finds he's crying for both of them, for love that never was. For lonely nights and painful rejection in the form of hopelessness.

No matter what he was feeling, Kenny wasn't about to let Craig feel a moment more of this loneliness. He would be there for him, even if that just meant being a strong shoulder to cry on.

Because just 'cause Tweek Tweak didn't love Craig Tucker, didn't mean Kenny McCormick _didn't_.

Craig finally reaches out, wrapping an arm around Kenny's waist, hand twisting in the fabric of his shirt. God, he was so weak. He was pathetic and he felt so _broken_ by his own admission and how genuinely sorry Kenny sounded.

"It's not his fault. It's mine," Craig doesn't recognize his own voice, but knows the words are his and feels them vibrating in his throat. "He said he wasn't...that he wasn't sure if this was something he could do, but we tried anyway because of me. 'Cause I..." his breath escapes as a sob.

The blond had been held by many different people in his short life. Hugs from friends, his sister, and even a few people he regrets allowing touching him. But never had a hug made his entire body shudder and feel _alive_. The arm around his waist makes that demon in his stomach claw so much harder, makes Kenny feel like a disgusting piece of shit for entertaining the idea that this is probably one of the nicest embraces he's ever felt.

Rage burns cool through his veins at the words Craig mutters. _He was offered Craig's heart willingly and he rejected it?_ Deep down he knew it wasn't Tweeks fault; sometimes people just don't work together. But surface level all Kenny feels is rage and it tastes awful in his mouth, like venom.

"Don't you **dare** blame yourself," Kenny all but hisses near Craig's ear, he tries to reel his emotions back when he speaks again, sounding less angry. "Sometimes love doesn't work out. It's no one's fault."

The words burn his tongue. He doesn't want to ask but he _has to_ for his sanity, "Craig, why keep pretending _all these years_? That's what I can't understand."

"It helps him, and if I can do anything to help him, I want to," he states simply. "I mean, there are other ways we could have done this after things didn't..." swallowing hard, Craig opens his eyes a fraction, the world a blurry mess as his eyes focus on the blue of Kenny's shirt. "I thought maybe, over time, things might change. And I wanted to be there in case they did." _Because I'm a selfish asshole_.

"You can't do that to yourself." Kenny supplies in an almost broken voice. He's losing it. He's losing his ability to leave his own emotions at the door because this _hurts so much._ He understands the longing. The need to feel loved. The hope that one day they'll open their eyes and **_see you right in front of them_**.

Kenny's chest constricts, and another flow of tears slips down his cheeks as he continues. "You're going to kill yourself waiting for him." He chokes half way through the sentence. **Because he's told himself this advice before.** Maybe this time, someone will listen to it.

Craig has given up any hope of keeping his dignity at this point, eyes red and swollen, and heart fucking _aching_ after years of keeping everything bottled up.

He knows deep down that Kenny is right. It doesn't make this any easier, and it doesn't stop the way his heart is hammering in his chest, but it...helps. Wrapping his other arm around the boy, Craig lets out a shaking sigh, tightening his arms. He focuses on the warmth pressed against him, the steady breathing that he tries to match, and the even heartbeat he feels reverberate in Kenny's chest.

The world could stop spinning for all Kenny cares. He feels Craig wrap him up in a full hug and his heart shatters and rebuilds a million times. He knows how it feels to die, lord knows he's died many ways before, but never from pure heartbreak. That's what this feels like. It feels like Craig is ripping his heart out of his chest and is holding it in his hands. If he wants, he can crush it into dust, and Kenny would let him.

But Craig doesn't know the pain he's causing Kenny. He doesn't know how many times Kenny's daydreamed about being in his arms.

Reality was much more intense than he ever could have dreamed. The feeling of his arms around him, the press of his chest, the hammering of his heart, the ghost of a breath on his cheek.

It was worse than death. _It was torture._

Because as much as Craig was holding him, _it wasn't about him_. It was about Craig and Tweek and the pain he had been enduring this whole time. It would never be about _him_ and as selfish as that sounded, it hurt.

"It's gonna be okay," Kenny offers, trying hard to sound put together and not as destroyed as he was. "The first step is admitting what's going on. The second step is ending it. The third is healing." He pushes the words out that he knows Craig needs, ignoring the stab of regret in his heart. "You can't keep expecting someone to love you..." That last sentence feels like the real nail in the coffin, his voice hitching. "No matter how much _you want them to._ "

"I know," Craig's breathing is finally starting to calm, and he tries not to think too hard about how much the blond's presence is helping him. Or why when he pulls back to scrub at his eyes the look, he catches on Kenny's face is about to break his heart all over again.


End file.
